Beautiful
by DrEaM1
Summary: 17-year-old Piper Halliwell is struggling to fit in at school. Could her struggle lead to something more serious that goes far beyond the walls of Baker High? Rated R for language.
1. Chapter One

Beautiful  
  
Summary: 17-year-old Piper Halliwell is struggling to fit in at school. Could her struggle lead to something more serious that goes far beyond the walls of Baker High? Rated R for language.  
  
~&~  
  
Reflections don't lie.... Maybe it's your eyes that do.  
  
Day by day I sit in the silence in my room while life passes me by. I don't really see any use for life, because if there was a use for it, I wouldn't be sitting here on my bed staring at the ceiling wondering what my life could be like if I just fucking fit in at my school. God. School. I hate it. I hate every single thing about it. The people, the teachers, the pressure. Everything. Lately I haven't been turning things in, and of course, the teachers seem thing think that's a problem, the people think I'm not turning things in because I don't want to be named "the smart one" and last but not least, there's the pressure. Threats of failure. Why not fail at school? I've failed at life already, what's one more thing added on to the growing list? I'm used to this by now.  
  
There's a person I idolize. Someone I wish I was like so bad that it literally hurt. My older sister, Prue. She was the one who always fit in at school. Always had a boyfriend, always had friends. Confident, beautiful, and thin. Went to parties and enjoyed life. Then, on the other hand, there's me. I'm the one who never fits in at school. The one who's never had a boyfriend and had never been to a party. Very low confidence, ugly, and average sized. The one who hates life. Hates herself.  
  
Then, this summer, my life was saved by something I never expected. Depression led to absolutely no eating, which led to weight loss, which ultimately led to being thin, beautiful, and confident. I kept up this cycle of no eating, because, well, nobody really seemed to notice, let alone care. It went on through my Junior year in High School. I was loving this. Loving the attention I was finally getting. Everyone came up to me and commented on my weight loss.  
  
"Piper, you look great!" They would say. "How'd you lose so much weight? You look awesome!"  
  
And so in my head I was doing something right. My Grams didn't seem to notice, and neither did my younger sister Phoebe, who was in a world of her own. This went on all through Junior year and all through the summer. After the first time I passed out, I finally realized what it was that was changing me.  
  
Anorexia.  
  
My only question now is, do I wan't to get rid of it or not?  
  
To Be Continued 


	2. Chapter Two

My nights are always sleepless and the days are a blur because I'm fighting to stay awake. I can't even remember what it's like to be normal anymore. What I used to be, well, that's behind me. I don't know what it felt like to be me before, all I know is what I feel right now. I've never been so happy in my life. Things are finally going my way. I'm actually the one in control for a change. For the first time I'm not the one sitting at home by myself on Friday night. When your family tells you that it's what's on the inside that counts it's a complete and utter lie. A fucking stupid attempt to make you believe that even if you don't look good people will still like you. Damn. I didn't have many friends at all until I lost weight. I'm mad that they lied, mad that these people only like me for one reason. But oh well. I can stop losing weight whenever I feel like it. I am the one in control.  
  
"Hey Piper." A familiar voice said.  
  
I looked up, not surprised to see Leo Wyatt standing there. The guy fucking follows me around everywhere like a little dog. It's annoying sometimes, because I'm not sure what he wants. But whatever, it's not that bad I guess.  
  
"Oh, hey Leo." I said, closing my locker.  
  
I had gotten used to him showing up every single day, talking to me between periods right up until the bell rang. Everyone said he liked me but I didn't believe them. Why would a guy like that be interested in me? How could he? We were just friends, and that was all we'd ever be.  
  
"I was just wondering, do you wanna do something on Friday night?" He asked, looking hopeful.  
  
Was he asking me out?  
  
"Ah...sorry Leo. I can't. There's a party that night, ya know? I kinda want to go to it.." I said.  
  
"Ohh ok. Well, I hope you have a good time anyway." He said as he walked away.  
  
What the hell was I doing? I was acting exactly the same way other people used to treat me. Why was I doing this and what am I trying to prove? I'm being a bitch, and that's all there is to it.  
  
~&~  
  
Piper Halliwell stared at herself in her full length mirror. She had lost some more weight and her head was spinning like crazy right now. She felt great and exhaused at the same time. Happy, but very easily pissed off. She let down her long, light brown hair and let it fall over her slender shoulders. She turned sideways in the mirror and stared at her body, pinching what little fat she had on her stomach. It was practically concave at this point, but to her, practically wasn't enough.  
  
"Maybe I can lose 10 more by the end of the school year." Piper said outloud.  
  
She glanced at the clock. Only 5:30! She still had another 3 hours until the party started. She yawned. Her bed looked so good right about now and she figured why not? She needed the sleep badly. This way she would be rested up for the party at 8:30. She collapsed on her bed, staring at the ceiling for a few minutes, then looking down at her body. Her hipbones stuck out, very noticable, even through her jeans. And her ribs stuck farther out than her stomach did. She could probably count them if she wanted to.  
  
Piper yawned again and turned to her side. Within minutes she was sound asleep.  
  
~&~  
  
"But why Grams!" Phoebe yelled.  
  
"Because I said so Phoebe!" Grams shouted back.  
  
Piper woke up to this yelling, rubbing her eyes. She got up and stretched. It was 8:00. She still had enough time to get to the party. When she walked over to the mirror an incredible wave of dizziness hit her, causing her to fall to the floor. She could barely see what she was looking at. Her vision was slightly blurred for a couple of seconds.  
  
"Whoa." She said as she stood up.  
  
She walked downstairs, grabbed her car keys, and walked outside, completely ignoring the fight that was occurring in the kitchen. She really didn't care anymore. She was tired of getting in the middle of their fights, tired of always having to fix things. If they wanted to fight, let them. It wasn't any of her business anymore. She didn't care about any of it.  
  
The party was a loud one, like most of them were. She could barely hear the person right next to her speak. All around her people were drunk or high, or even both. She tried to stay away from that stuff. She'd done it a few times but thought it smelled and tased like shit, so didn't do it anymore.  
  
Her stomach hurt. It hurt so bad that breathing became difficult. Everything around her started to blur and she could no longer focas on anything. She could hear somebody next to her talking. Who were they? What were they saying? Were they even talking to her? Suddenly, without any warning whatsoever, Piper fell to the floor. Everyone dismissed it, thinking she was drunk. Everyone but the only considerate person at the party. Leo. He came over to her and picked her up. He knew she wasn't drunk. She didn't even drink. He brought her to his car and set her in the back seat, then drove away as fast as he could.  
  
~&~  
  
Man. My head hurts. Everything is so bright. Where am I? Am I still at the party? Where's the music? It's too quiet in here. There's people talking around here somewhere. Who are they? I feel a hand touch mine. A soft, comforting hand, trying to let me know that I'm okay. I finally look up.  
  
"Leo? Where am I?" I asked.  
  
I'm confused.  
  
"You're at the hospital Piper. You passed out at the party." He told me. "I brought you here."  
  
"But...I didn't have anything to drink." I said, trying to remember.  
  
"I know Piper. You didn't have anything to eat either." He said.  
  
I looked up, and for the first time looked into his eyes. They were beautiful, hazel eyes. Eyes that you could look into and feel what he felt. He cared. He knew. He knew my secret. Grams is standing by the door. She looks hurt, not mad, just plain hurt. I wonder what everyone at school will think. They'll probably think I'm crazy, that I was just trying to fit in and went too far.  
  
"Hey." He said, lifting up my chin so that I was looking into his eyes. "It's gonna be okay. You'll beat this, I know you will."  
  
Maybe. Who knows.  
  
To Be Continued. 


	3. Chapter Three

No. This isn't happening. These people can't know. They can't get involved in this too. This is supposed to be me. All me. Not them! Why did I have to go to the damn party? God. Why did Leo have to be there? Anyone else would have left me and thought I was drunk. That would have been just fine with me. I don't want to be here and I don't want them to know. This is mine.....  
  
"Piper..." Grams said, holding me lightly as though I might break.  
  
I looked over Grams's shoulder as she held me. Might as well let her if she wants to. Leo wasn't there anymore. I don't care where he is. I'm mad at him for what he did. I don't want to be in the hospital. It's all his fault that I'm here. Why did he have to bring me here?  
  
"Can you just tell me why?" She asked.  
  
I've never seen Grams like this. Ever. Not even when Mom died. She's always been strong and not very emotional. Just like Prue. But now, she was uncharacteristically weak. She was practially crying. I wasn't dead. I don't think I'm even close to it. What is wrong with her?  
  
"I..." I started. I knew the answer, but only in my own mind did it make sense. "I just wanted to be beautiful."  
  
I stated it simply. She looked at me blankly. She didn't understand, obviously. I don't have to explain. I don't have to try to make anyone understand, it isn't their job to.  
  
"But Piper, you are beautiful. You have always been beautiful."  
  
I changed the subject. I didn't want to get into this right now. "Grams, when can I go home?"  
  
"I don't know Piper." She said, looking down. "The doctor said if you don't get help for this then you could..."  
  
"Oh."  
  
She didn't have to say it. I knew what she meant and I didn't care. I wasn't going to die. I'm not to that point yet. If I ever do get there, yeah, I'll want help. Right now I just want to go home, lock myself in my room, and sleep for the entire weekend. I want everyone to just go away....  
  
"The doctor recomends that you see someone."  
  
I was mad now. "Grams, I'm not crazy."  
  
"I know that, but it couldn't hurt. The doctor says that it will help a lot. If it doesn't, you'll have to stay here and get treatment. Which would you rather have?"  
  
I looked blankly at her. I was so mad. So hurt. "I just want to go home Grams."  
  
~&~  
  
I've hurt everyone. Grams, Prue, Phoebe, Leo. Everyone that matters. I lied to them. I lied about everything. I treated them badly and I told them I didn't want their help in this. I want them in my life, I just don't want their help, because it isn't working. I don't need any help.  
  
"Piper, your dinner's ready." Prue said.  
  
She opened the door and set the tray on a table next to my bed. I looked up at it. Soup and a glass of iced tea. I used to love iced tea. The doctor told Grams not to push me to eat, but to make sure that I atleast ate something. I wasn't hungry. I really wasn't. They were forcing calories into my body at the hospital and now the dizziness was completely gone. I felt so different, but I still wasn't hungry.  
  
"Do you want me to stay with you?" Prue asked. She knew I didn't want anyone in there.  
  
"No thanks, I'll be okay." I said, playing with the food.  
  
"Okay, well, just bring the stuff down when you're done. You know how Grams gets about that." Prue said, smiling.  
  
"Yeah. I know. Don't worry." I said, smiling back.  
  
With that, Prue left. I stared at the soup. Gross. I didn't want that in my body. I don't want to get fat. The iced tea.....too many calories. I don't want this. I want to be skinny. I went into the bathroom and dumped the soup and the iced tea into the toilet, flushed it, and went back into my room. I stayed in there for a about a half hour before I brought the bowl downstairs. I left a little in the bowl to make it look like I had really been eating. I put the bowl and glass in the sink and smiled at Grams.  
  
"It was good Grams. Thanks." I said. "I'm gonna go to bed, okay? Goodnight."  
  
"Goodnight, Piper." She said, smiling.  
  
I had them fooled. Good. They just wanted me to get fat. That's the last thing I want.  
  
I'd rather die than be fat.... 


	4. Chapter Four

Will this ever fucking pass? It's been here too long, and I know it too well to let it go. Damn it. Why did I have to get myself stuck in this? Now I can never get out. I can never admit that I need help. It would hurt everyone too much. I have long since graduated high school. I'll never see those people again. Being beautiful for them is in the past, so why is this still an issue with me? I'm scared. I'm 23 years old. A grown woman. This is a teenagers problem....not mine. This doesn't exist. Just ignore it and it'll go away....  
  
"Holy shit Piper."  
  
I looked behind me. It was Leo. Damn. What does he want now? He hangs around too much. He needs to get a fucking life of his own and stop bothering me.  
  
"What?"  
  
"What the hell do you think!" He screamed. "You've been trying to hide this the whole fucking time but I know you too well. Look at you Piper. You look like a fucking skeleton. If you think that's attrative then fine, because I don't."  
  
He ran out of the room. I've never seen anyone get that mad before. Or that hurt. He was practically crying and yelling at me at the same time. I guess I can't blame him. I'm so damn fat....  
  
I glanced in the mirror and quickly looked back. Who was that person looking back at me? For the first time since I was 17 years old I saw my real reflection. My eyes weren't lying to me anymore. I wasn't a struggling teenager anymore. I was a sick woman. My hair wasn't the way it used to be. It was thin...falling out. And my skin. It was almost yellow looking and had tiny hairs all over it. I could see every rib, my hipbones jutted out, I could see every bone. My eyes were dark and sunken in. The person in the mirror disgusted me. I disgusted myself. Leo was right. I looked horrible.  
  
~&~  
  
"Leo. Help me."  
  
"What's the point Piper? You wont listen."  
  
He wouldn't look me in the eyes. Maybe he was still scared of me. Scared that I might go off on him. I was starting to feel a little better. I felt confident for the first time in 6 years.  
  
"I will. I don't want to die Leo. Please. I can't do this alone."  
  
He smiled. "I'll do everything I can. Just don't die on me. I can't lose you...."  
  
I smiled back and looked down. "Leo....I love you."  
  
"I love you too Piper. Everything is going to be okay."  
  
~&~  
  
She's going absolutely crazy in that hospital. Sometimes I wonder if it's even helping her at all. It had to be though. She had to be okay. She had to live a long, healthy life. No more of this staving shit. I want the Piper I used to know. The Piper who didn't care only about appearence.  
  
"Leo. I feel sick. I don't think I can do this..." She told me honestly.  
  
"Yes you can Piper. You can do anything."  
  
Food absolutely disgusted her. She barely ate, but still, she did eat, and that was progress. Slowly, she began to gain weight. She was looking healthier everyday. I kept thinking that one day she would just completely give up. But she hasn't. So far anyway.  
  
To Be Continued 


End file.
